Deep Dive: Is It Sometimes Easier When Our Spouses Aren't Around?
Is it easier to run the house when our spouses are out of town? A good number of our listeners said yes. Can we embrace that feeling, instead of feeling guilty?
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Youtube Music This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners.
There are lots of reasons why someone might find parenting easier when their spouse is not around, and not all of them are a cause to call in the couples therapist. A listener posted in our Facebook group:
Anyone else feel like things are easier when their spouse isn’t home? We’ve been dealing with some family issues so he is out of town. I find that when he isn’t here, my kids listen better, we make a good team and work together, they sleep better, etc. Is that weird? How can one person make such a difference? Not much has changed except I do a little more (take out the trash, drop kids off at school) so it’s not that I have more time. It just seems more peaceful in our home or something. And to be honest, I’m not sure it’s a good sign!
When we're solo parenting, we have more alone time, we don't have to negotiate child-related or housework-related decisions, and there are fewer dishes and dirty clothes to wash. If you like it when your spouse is away, that doesn't mean you love them any less or they're a bad spouse. But are there advantages we can consider making part of our parenting all the time? That might also be a possibility.
Amy and Margaret discuss:
- Why it's easier to solo parent sometimes
- How the pandemic changed couple dynamics
- How to discuss with our spouse how we feel
Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:
- Katie Cloyd for Scary Mommy: "My Life Is Easier When My Husband Travels"
- Meredith Bland for Parent Map: "Parenting is Easier When My Husband is Out of Town"
- We Did Not Sign Up For Being With Our Spouses 24/7 (with guest Damona Hoffman)
- A Room Of Our Own: Claiming the Space We Need
What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.
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