Ask Amy: I've Got a Bedtime Staller

How do we get our savvy stallers to get ready for bed in a reasonable amount of time? Amy gives a listener some tools for speeding up a bedtime slowpoke.

Nici came to our Facebook group to ask:

"Please help this mom of a very smart and savvy 11-year old who is some kind of Jedi master of STALLING. He knows it’s bedtime. He doesn’t want to go to bed. But instead of outright complaining, he subtly and consistently stalls his bedtime by doing little tiny things to stall the process. Pointing out each little thing he’s doing in order to stall is annoying and only makes him dig his heels in more. I love him so much, and I know this is all probably a ploy for attention, BUT COME ON. I feel like we give him a LOT of attention throughout the day and in general. What can I do?"

What is your kid getting out of stalling? Maybe they do want to just stay up later. It could be that his bedtime needs to be rolled back by half an hour.

You can also try doing the unpreferred activities before the preferred one. All the bedtime stuff (homework, shower, pajamas, teeth, whatever it is) comes before the preferred activity (TV, gaming, time with you).

When something with a kid becomes an ongoing struggle, the best place to start is to ask these two questions: what can I add? What can I take away?

You might add external motivation, rewards, a later weekend bedtime.

You might take away your presence while he stalls, the dog that is there to distract him, the sugary treats that might be revving him up.

Work these dials one at a time, and have patience. Once you figure out a kid's secondary gain, and/or the currency that motivates them, things will usually fall into place.

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