April 20, 2022

When Our Partners Just Don't Get it

It was my husband. In the kitchen. With the dirty cup. AGAIN. Our partners do things that drive us mad. And sometimes it affects our parenting or our marriages. How do we make our partners truly understand what we need? Besides hiding all the cups?

Why does it feel like I do all the work around here? Why can't my partner take on a little more? Why does a dad get to go on Good Morning America for DOING HIS DAUGHTER'S HAIR TWICE A WEEK??

There is evidence (statistical evidence, not just tears and bloodshed evidence) that having kids reduces marital harmony. And for a woman, the birth of a child often means taking on a second shift while her partner's routine may barely be interrupted. So how can we communicate with our partners to find labor divisions that work for everyone?

In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss:

  • What the science says about relationships post-children
  • Signs that a partnership is operating unsustainably
  • Tips for how to start the conversation about dividing up parenting responsibilities

Episodes we mentioned:

Making It Work for the Long Haul (with Belinda Luscombe) episode

Parenting as a Team episode

The Infamous "Husband Crimes" episode

Resources mentioned in the episode:

What Happens to a Marriage After Having Children?

Fighting Constantly After Baby? Read This.

9 Signs That a Relationship Just Can't Be Saved

And a bonus from the Husband Crimes archives: Kurt Vonnegut's attempt at gender equity.

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