July 10, 2019

When Your Kids Take Everything Out On You

Parenting experts say we shouldn’t take our kids’ snarkiness towards us personally. But shouldn’t we insist on their respect? What happens when it really starts to wear us down? Here’s why kids take it all out on us, and how to lower our reactivity.

Most parenting experts say being our kids’ safe space includes letting some amount of their snarkiness roll off our backs. It’s normal. Don’t take it personally.

And knowing that it’s universal helps. Sometimes. A little.

But we still struggle. Shouldn’t we insist on respect from our kids? And what happens when the eye-rolling and "God, Mom, don't you know anything?" really starts to wear us down?

In this episode we discuss why kids take things out on us as parents (spoiler alert: it gets worse before it gets better) and how we can lower our reactivity in order to respond more effectively.

Here’s links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss:

Christa Santangelo, PhD: A New Theory of Teenagers (book)

Alice G. Walton for The Atlantic: 12 Ways to Mess Up Your Kids

Sara Bean for Empowering Parents: “I Hate You, Mom! I Wish You Were Dead!” — When Kids Say Hurtful Things

Kim Abraham for Empowering Parents: Anger, Rage and Explosive Outbursts: How to Respond to Your Child or Teen’s Anger

Janet Lehman for Empowering Parents: Do Your Kids Respect You? 9 Ways to Change Their Attitude

Stephanie Klindt: 10 Ways To Set Appropriate Boundaries With Teens

Dr. Wendy Mogel: Mothers, don't take teen rejection personally

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices