How should we respond when our kids talk back? Some experts say it’s normal child behavior; we should take a deep breath and ignore it. We say no way. But yelling “How dare you!” isn’t getting us anywhere either. Here’s what actually works.
How are we supposed to respond when our kids talk back? Some experts say it’s normal child behavior, and as such, we should take a deep breath and ignore it. We say no way. But yelling “How dare you talk to me like that in my house?” isn’t getting us anywhere, either. So what’s the best response?
In this episode we discuss
how our kids’ talking back can really be about underlying anxiety
how talking back is also about who’s in control
how our response is the key to setting ongoing expectations
why it’s harder for us to handle talking back when it happens in public
why Margaret thinks it’s okay if our kids think we’re a little bit like Darth Vader
why Amy says a little Yoda thrown in there might not be the worst idea
We like Dr. Laura Markham’s suggestion for a better thing to say when kids talk back:
You can tell me what you’re upset about without attacking me. What’s going on?
Even for grownups, there’s a difference between standing up for yourself and being rude. We want our kids to have the ability to do the former without the latter. Which means we have to show them how to do it.
Here’s links to other articles and research discussed in this episode:
Dr. Laura Markham for Psychology Today: What To Do When Your Kid Talks Back
Tamekia Reece for Parents: What To Do When Kids Talk Back
Dr. Michele Borba for Parents: Helping Kids Handle Anger
The Military Wife and Mom: How to Handle Back Talk and Disrespect Like a Parenting Warrior
Joseph P. Allen et al, University of Virginia: Predictors of Susceptibility to Peer Influence Regarding Substance Use in Adolescence
…and Margaret recommended the book What Children Learn From Their Parents’ Marriages
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