Is American Parenting the Problem? Or Is It Parenting *in* America?

We're often told that the American style of parenting is inferior—that we're doing it all wrong compared to, say, a laissez-faire Parisian whose kids eat whatever is served.

But is it our too intense/ too lax/ too snack-heavy parenting style that is making us (and our kids) so stressed? Or is it where we're doing that parenting?

In this episode, we explore the forces shaping parenting in America today, and the ways in which other countries offer parents more support. From the pressure to “do it all” to the lack of community support, we examine how our American struggles may be rooted in American ideals.

There's no doubt cultural expectations can shape our parenting decisions, leading to the "intensive parenting" that's so easy for others to criticize. But there's plenty about our circumstances as American parents that makes things harder.

Our friend Janelle Hanchett (whose writing inspired this episode) was exactly right when she wrote:

"As much as we may in the US give lip-service to universal healthcare, parental leave, labor rights, and childcare subsidies as key tenets of good parenting, just below these assertions is the implication that if American parents simply tried harder, they would not be so stressed and they would parent better.

The narrative bombards American parents relentlessly: Others do it better because they are culturally superior.

They are not better people. They live in societies with better policies."

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Jannelle Hanchett on Substack: They aren't better parents because they're culturally superior
• Claire Cain Miller for the NYT: Today’s Parents: ‘Exhausted, Burned Out and Perpetually Behind’
• Reddit/attachmentparenting: Thoughts on “Bringing Up Bébé” book?
• Kate Cray for The Atlantic: Parenting in America Keeps Getting More Intensive
• Kate Juilan for The Atlantic: What Happened to American Childhood?
• Joe Pinsker for The Atlantic: ‘Intensive’ Parenting Is Now the Norm in America
• Patrick Ishizuka for Social Forces journal: Social Class, Gender, and Contemporary Parenting Standards in the United States: Evidence from a National Survey Experiment
• Yu-Chin Her for Population Research and Policy Review: Having Fun or Having Kids? Leisure Aspirations and Attitudes Toward Parenthood in Europe
• Susan Kelley for The Cornell Chronicle: Hands-on, intensive parenting is best, most parents say

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

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