Little-Known Parenting Milestones

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Unknown Speaker (0:38): You can go to Vegas now. There's a tell. With Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.

Unknown Speaker (0:43): Resist the boo boo face, baby. Resist. A podcast that solves today's parenting dilemmas so you don't have to.

Unknown Speaker (0:51): Teenagers are strong and capable and should be dragging the heavy stuff around instead of us.

Margaret Ables (1:01): Hello, everyone, and welcome to What Fresh Hell laughing in the face of motherhood. This is Margaret.

Amy Wilson (1:06): And this is Amy. Today, we are talking about little known parenting milestones.

Margaret Ables (1:12): Amy, today, we don't have to remember to do the mailbag. This whole episode was inspired by our mailbag.

Unknown Speaker (1:17): Giant mailbag. Mailbag.

Margaret Ables (1:22): On our Facebook group, which is facebook.com/groups/ what fresh hell cast, Becca put up the following question. Parenting milestone no one told me about. My kids can now reliably wake up on the weekend, turn on their own cartoons, get themselves and their little sister breakfast, and not destroy anything while we sleep for an extra hour or two. What a game changer to not have to be up at 6AM on a Saturday. Any other great but not talked about parenting milestones to look forward to?

Unknown Speaker (1:57): Oh, I can't wait for this one.

Margaret Ables (1:58): And I said, that's an episode. I just yesterday was somewhere, and I was chatting with a young man who had a four week old baby named Sadie. The baby was not with him. There was another woman, and we were doing the whole, you know, oh my gosh. At eight weeks, it'll be so much better.

Margaret Ables (2:17): And then she's like, oh, but then 16, they start driving. We were just kind of going through all of this stuff. And at a certain point, I looked over, and I was like, are we scaring you? We should stop talking now. I'm like, just enjoy your four week old baby.

Margaret Ables (2:29): But I do think that the unsung I mean, we we say this all the time on the podcast that it gets better, and I truly I was saying to the guy, I said, people say bigger kids, bigger problems. To me, a four week old baby is the biggest problem I've ever had in my life. I really you're so physically uncomfortable. I hated breastfeeding. Some people love it.

Margaret Ables (2:53): I always hated it.

Unknown Speaker (2:55): I loved it, but I was still physically uncomfortable.

Unknown Speaker (2:57): Right. I got what's the breastfeeding in for thrush? Mastitis. Oh. Mastitis?

Margaret Ables (3:02): I had both of them. Sure. Why not? I just was like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And I also had postpartum anxiety, which went undiagnosed, which made it a lot worse.

Margaret Ables (3:14): But I'm a big believer it gets better, and I loved so many of these answers that were like, here's something better. And I'm gonna tell you, sleeping in on Saturdays, it gets better and better and better. My only challenge is now I have to wake up my children by noon.

Unknown Speaker (3:30): Right. Right. Now I can't sleep in on Saturdays, but I'm not sleep deprived as a rule anymore. So, you know, I'm wide eyed and bushy tailed at 8AM or earlier.

Margaret Ables (3:40): I'm a great sleeper inner. I can still really sleep in. You're my husband's like that. He's awake at five or six no matter what.

Amy Wilson (3:46): Yeah. And just kinda ready to go. Yeah. I I mean but I wasn't when it was 05:30 every single day. I also haven't been up during the night with the baby.

Amy Wilson (3:54): When people say it gets better, I think that I think it just gets less constant. You know? Like, I'm thinking, like, there are thunderstorms with teenagers around. There are times, but a newborn is, like, living in the rainforest during rainy season. Right?

Amy Wilson (4:07): All the time.

Margaret Ables (4:08): There you go. My brother used to say it's, Tahiti, and then sometimes the storms come. Right. And it's like, that is totally how I feel. And I'm frankly in a storm a little bit right now in my life, but I still wouldn't trade it for a four week old baby.

Unknown Speaker (4:24): God bless them.

Unknown Speaker (4:24): Oh gosh. So hard.

Margaret Ables (4:27): So Katie said and this oh, man. Is this the best? Going out to dinner. Being able to go out to dinner and leave the kids at home. Hers are 12, nine, and nine, and they've been doing it for about a year.

Margaret Ables (4:40): Don't go very far away. Make them dinner before we go. They typically have screens, but we are free to have a childless dinner.

Amy Wilson (4:48): Right. Like, put the TV on, here's your grilled cheese. We'll be back in ninety minutes is amazing. Amazing. It means you can go.

Unknown Speaker (4:55): Oh, great.

Amy Wilson (4:56): Because when you're paying to go out to dinner and then also paying the babysitter $20 an hour, that's the going rate around here for a high school student. It just gets so expensive. It's not worth it.

Margaret Ables (5:06): And the idea that you're coming home, the kids are still awake maybe, and they need baths now, and then someone's gotta drive the babysitter home. It's just being able to go out and leave the kids at home. And in the beginning, I think it's like a lot of things. And right now, I'm dealing with a new driver, and I think that this parallel is probably right. Right now, the anxiety is not worth it to me for the driving.

Unknown Speaker (5:35): You know what I'm saying? You'd rather go pick them

Amy Wilson (5:37): up rather than have the kid drive, you mean?

Margaret Ables (5:39): I'm finding myself so anxious about the driving that there's no upside to the driving. Mhmm. And I think when you first start leaving your kids home alone, the anxiety about leaving them alone, it's annoying. You know? Like, you're you're close by, and you're kind of checking the phone, and I wonder if they're okay, and did they remember not to touch the stove and whatever else is going on.

Margaret Ables (6:00): Now I'm just like later kids, and I just never think about them. I just leave the house sometimes for multiple hours at a time, and it is great. I'm hoping that's true about driving. Do you find that about driving that, like, now you don't worry as much about your kids driving?

Amy Wilson (6:16): I'm such a weird, unique situation, but now I'm so I have a teenager out in the city, usually, like, an Uber, that kind of thing. So it's more like, I want you to, I'm gonna go to sleep at ten. I want you to call me at 11:30 when you're leaving the party to tell me you're getting in an Uber, you know, and then send me the thing. And I usually just go back to sleep, and then I want you when you get home to come in and find me and tell me you're home even if I am only half awake. Like, I need to have that closure of you're leaving, and now you've arrived.

Margaret Ables (6:43): I'm just entering that state, still staying awake when the kids are out, and that I'm not a huge fan of. But I guess I'm still with the kids going out and driving and all of that stuff. Like, my kids are, you know, teens, and I do feel anxious when they're out. When I'm out and they're at home, all good.

Unknown Speaker (7:02): Right. The table's ready. Now now they're out in your home, then it's stressful again.

Margaret Ables (7:06): It's stressful again. It's stressful again. I'm hoping that that part will get easier. I feel like it will, but right now, I'm like, tracking them on the phone and, like, do I know where they are?

Amy Wilson (7:16): My kids were probably nine, eight, and four, five at the time, and we were in a hotel, a small hotel on vacation. Restaurant in the hotel. Like, a room is, like, down the hall. We get them in their jammies. We're like, we're right here if you need those.

Unknown Speaker (7:29): Everybody have your phones, and and the four year old's already asleep. Like, we'll be right down the hall. Like, we're gonna do this. We're gonna make this work. Halfway through dinner, my eight year old appears shirtless in the dining room of this, you know, kinda restaurant.

Unknown Speaker (7:43): He's just wandering through wide eyed with only half a pajama bottoms on. Oh, wow. To inform us in, you know, a outraged voice that his brother had scratched him. And, anyway, it was it didn't go great. So it turns out nine eight four down the hall is too early, but twelve nine and nine is good.

Margaret Ables (8:00): And I would say that even still with teenagers, it's not never. I think the one of the first times I was out to dinner with my sister, she had left her kids at home, and they started texting that one of them had called the other one a curse word. Neither. And then the other one was texting to be like, no. No.

Margaret Ables (8:22): I said, brother something, are you? Like, he he had his own case, and they were both texting her all night to be like, I did not say that. I said this. It literally was just an hour of did you or did you not tell your brother to go something himself.

Unknown Speaker (8:39): At which point, you definitely should have just stayed home. So

Margaret Ables (8:42): Yeah. It's definitely it's not a smooth road. There are some bumps along it for sure. At first.

Unknown Speaker (8:48): That's right. At first.

Margaret Ables (8:49): Amy, let's talk about showering by themselves. Oh.

Amy Wilson (8:53): This is the bright line for me when the kids can get themselves clean at night.

Margaret Ables (8:57): Yeah. Showering independently, says Melanie, was a big one. Our son had eczema. We had to bathe him, lotion him every single day for years. He never liked getting his face wet.

Margaret Ables (9:08): God, I'm so glad he can bathe himself. And I do find, just in general and we did an episode when I was taking care of my, niece and nephew about, oh my gosh. I'm back in the bear trap. And I really I don't need to see anyone else's butt. I mean, that's what I always say about pets.

Margaret Ables (9:26): We have two cats, but I'm like, why would I want another being whose poop I have to deal with? Like, I'm done. I chewed my leg out of the bear trap.

Unknown Speaker (9:37): Uh-huh.

Margaret Ables (9:37): And my kids beg for a dog, and I have one kid who is really gifted with animals. I a 100% admit he is a kid who should have a dog. He is a dog kid. He can get a dog when he leaves the house. I cannot have a dog.

Amy Wilson (9:52): My brother was a dog kid, and he's now grown up with two dogs.

Unknown Speaker (9:55): Actually, I have two brothers

Unknown Speaker (9:56): who were dog kids who ended up with multiple pets.

Unknown Speaker (9:58): So But you didn't have a dog growing up? No.

Unknown Speaker (10:00): I mean, very, very briefly, but it was a advised it was a six weeks of, oh, no. This was a mistake.

Margaret Ables (10:06): I mean, they always say people who don't like dogs are psychopaths, but color me psychopathic. I do not. I just I don't enjoy dogs anyway, but, really, I just feel like I've done my time with poop, and I'm done.

Amy Wilson (10:20): I'm team you on that as a dog owner, but it's like both things can be true. It sucks and the kids love it, and they don't love picking up the poop, though. So Sammy Jo says the parenting milestone is the day that your kids can go play outside by themselves. She says, I'm sure this is dependent on where you live. Yes.

Unknown Speaker (10:36): It is. But big win for us.

Margaret Ables (10:38): When we lived in LA, I had three very closely spaced little ones, three kids under four. We lived in a house that had a rat problem and was in

Unknown Speaker (10:49): Oh, we've heard about that.

Margaret Ables (10:50): Yes. Like, if there was an accident on the 10 Freeway, there was a car that was gonna come through my roof. In many ways, it was a terrible house. And I have said, I went back at one point to visit that house thinking that I would be, like, filled with happy nostalgia, you know, and, oh my gosh. Remember these days?

Margaret Ables (11:08): And I literally walked up to the house, and my whole body, like, had a panic reaction. It's true that those were not the best times of my life being in that crazy little house. The one thing that house had going for, it had a gate all the way around, and the gate locked. I could go inside and use the bathroom when the kids were playing in the yard, basically. We had a little swing set.

Margaret Ables (11:26): It was a tiny, like, postage stamp, little piece of land in Los Angeles, but I occasionally would hear someone yelling through my window, does anyone know there's kids out here? Because I would be, like, in the kitchen, and, you know, my kids were just basically, like, living on the lawn. And I'd walk out and be like, yes. I'm see I see them through the window or whatever, but having kids who can go outside by themselves is huge.

Amy Wilson (11:52): Yeah. It is a good setup and good for the kids too. Right? Speaking as somebody who, like, lived in New York City, have to go to the park with them or pay somebody to go to the park with them so they can run around. Think that's such an important thing for kids to have to just go run and figure stuff out.

Margaret Ables (12:07): It is and, I mean, man, we've done a lot of episodes about it, and I've become more and more committed to the idea that free play and free exploration is super important for kids. Now we have a house with a pretty big yard, and there's, like, a little bit of forest and stuff. And we sometimes, on Friday nights, have like, it's open play at our house, but I'm not supervising.

Unknown Speaker (12:32): Mhmm.

Margaret Ables (12:33): One night on a Friday night, the kids were probably tweens or, like, maybe 10 through 13, and they were batting with cans of Coca Cola. They were, like, throwing cans of Coke and hitting them with the bat. And the mom showed up, and these kids were covered in Coca Cola from head to toe. And I was like, I think I was pretty clear that this was independent play, but I a couple of the kids never showed up again. Let's just say that.

Amy Wilson (12:56): Tiffany says that making their own food was the milestone.

Unknown Speaker (13:01): I'm still working on this a little bit.

Unknown Speaker (13:05): Yeah. This is a wide, wide range.

Margaret Ables (13:07): It's a very wide range. I was long since leaving my kids home alone when I left my kids, ended up having to pick up two older relatives, went across the bridge where we live. So I was, like, far away. My daughter said, well, I'll just make pasta and got over there. And somehow, we have one of those what's it called?

Margaret Ables (13:32): It's like a ring that gets red. It's not a flame cooktop. It's induction. It's like a red disc that gets very, very hot. Somehow, she tripped and fell and landed her arm on the induction and burned herself from basically her wrist to her elbow.

Margaret Ables (13:50): My husband was out of town. I basically was like, I can't come home. But by the time I got both of these relatives back to where they needed to be anyway, turns out my niece is a pediatrician. I called her. We FaceTimed.

Margaret Ables (14:03): She looked at it. Don't do this. Do this. Take this. And I tried to wrap up dinner and get home.

Margaret Ables (14:08): But after that, I did kinda feel like cooking when I'm out of the house is a different level than cooking.

Amy Wilson (14:16): Well, there's, like, microwave popcorn. Right? Right.

Margaret Ables (14:19): But even that, I mean, I've known many a microwave popcorn fire.

Unknown Speaker (14:22): I guess you're right. But just being able to get something. Again, this is like a Saturday morning. Like, when your kid can open the cabinet, get out the Cheerios, pour themselves a bowl, reach the milk, put some milk in there too, and then sit and watch cartoons, that's a good day. That counts as making your own food.

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Margaret Ables (17:32): This is one of the many things. It comes in many different stages. You're right. Like, pouring a bowl of Cheerios and, like, cutting meat and dicing chicken and then cooking it, they're different levels and, like, food safety. And if you touch raw chicken, you have to wash your hands, not put them in your mouth.

Margaret Ables (17:50): Like Yeah. There's a lot of different phases of this. But I think in general I mean, I wish my daughter didn't have this hugely significant burn on her arm, but it has come in phases. And part of the phase is accepting, like, driving or letting your kids go out in the Uber in New York City. There is risk involved, and that's why, like, these things can feel scary.

Margaret Ables (18:12): Lauren says carrying their own bags. I just discovered that one of my kids will now carry his own stuff and be responsible for it through the airport and on the plane. Huge.

Unknown Speaker (18:23): Wow. What age is this? Maybe, like

Unknown Speaker (18:26): Five or six, I would say.

Amy Wilson (18:27): Wow. I was gonna say, like, 12. But, like, I'm including in it being able to, like, heft it, you know, above your head.

Margaret Ables (18:33): Yeah. Maybe more like eight or nine. Uh-huh. If it's like, I mean, I still have to remind my teens, you know, they're constantly leaving, like, a Kindle in the back pocket as am I. You know, that's why they announce it on the plane.

Margaret Ables (18:45): But this is so huge. I mean, when we had three kids, a diaper bag, all their backpacks, I mean, we just looked like the traveling circus, and I would have 16 bags on my back. But I'm gonna give you another step along this heavenly road. Okay. I am currently having a problem with one of my legs, Amy.

Margaret Ables (19:06): I'm an Aldi Lox, and I have arthritis in my hip. And I get a shot, and it solves the problem for now, but the shot wears off. And then it usually takes me, like, two weeks to get an appointment to get another shot. So I'm in that phase right now where I'm kinda limping on my leg because it's bothering me, but I haven't got my shot yet. We just went on vacation, and my kids carried all of my bags.

Margaret Ables (19:29): I didn't touch a bag the whole time because being off center, like, if I even a pocketbook on my pocketbook. I'm a 150 years old. Even carrying like, I try to carry a backpack now because it's the uneven weight that seems to really bother my hip. And by time I get there, I'm, like, limping so badly. I'm, like, dragging my leg behind me.

Margaret Ables (19:48): My husband, for boring reasons, had to leave early. And, of course, because husband left a golf bag behind, and I told my kids

Unknown Speaker (19:55): Those are so the weight is so well distributed in a golf bag.

Margaret Ables (19:58): Those aren't heavy or weird. It's basically like bringing a body with you, like a human body. I tell you what, my kids really stepped up. They did all that. They got them up for me.

Margaret Ables (20:08): They got them onto the little, you know, weighty scale, gave them in. And I always joke with my kids. I'm like, I didn't have teenagers to carry my own bags. Go grab them, guys.

Amy Wilson (20:18): That's so great. And presume that capability. Right? Like, I think I was doing probably longer than I had to. There's things you need.

Amy Wilson (20:26): Like, okay. The kids' meds. If the kids take meds, I'm gonna be in charge of the meds. They're going to my carry on. Right?

Amy Wilson (20:31): But at some point, I realized, like, you should pack headphones that are compatible with the plane, or if if not too bad, so sad. But then, of course, the problem is

Unknown Speaker (20:40): You're gonna buy them. I'm gonna

Unknown Speaker (20:41): buy them or somebody has a boo boo face and like, okay. Now I take mine, and now I don't have any. Right? So resist the boo boo face, baby. Resist.

Amy Wilson (20:49): But handing over that responsibility to, like, teenagers are strong and capable and should be dragging the heavy stuff around instead of us.

Margaret Ables (20:57): It's another great point of this episode is, like, look for all of these opportunities. Yeah. I have a friend whose husband passed away. She had four children. She went from, like, you know, kinda supermom doing everything to completely overwhelmed, and one of her kids wanted to apply for camp.

Margaret Ables (21:15): And she's like, well, can you fill out the application? And the camp director called her on the phone and said, I'm so impressed with your kid. I've never had a camper fill out their own application. I had to call her for three questions, and she was able to get me the information. Wow.

Margaret Ables (21:29): And, like, what an amazing kid you're raising. And my friend's story was, of course, I'm such a failure as a mom. I can't even help my kid apply to camp. And I think it's always such a great thing when you can change your story a little bit to, listen. I got a hip problem.

Margaret Ables (21:45): You're gonna have to be responsible for the bags, and they can do it. You know? And you don't wanna be in a situation where your kids have to do things that are too hard or too dangerous for them. But I think sometimes from our super capable mom point of view, we forget to let them have the space to try.

Amy Wilson (22:04): Right. Nicolette, this is a huge one in my life too. Nicolette says the day you don't have to help anybody buckle or unbuckle their car seats. Everybody just gets in the car, and then you drive away. And then you get to the store, and you get out.

Amy Wilson (22:17): Huge. Absolutely. I mean, I remember how excited I was when I had a six year old, four year old, and a one year old, and I think the one year old could kinda figure it out, and I didn't have to climb into the back of the minivan anymore. Your one year old

Unknown Speaker (22:30): was buckling themselves in, Amy. I have I have 900 other questions.

Amy Wilson (22:34): Two five and seven maybe, but I'd have to climb in the back. You know what I mean? Like, the eighteenth row.

Margaret Ables (22:39): Absolutely torturous. Like, still I probably my hip is part of this. Like, yoga position, you have to get in to get the kid in the back buckled in. It's truly torture. Yeah.

Margaret Ables (22:51): And Amanda agrees getting rid of all the car seats and booster seats. And, like, there's no more goldfish crackers stuck in the crevices of everything. This is absolute heaven. Absolute heaven. And you know what?

Margaret Ables (23:02): I'm gonna come in hot and say, people are like, you never know the last time you'll pick up your child. Not having to carry a kid was great for me. I mean, again, I had three very closely spaced, and I always was carrying a kid. Always. I had somebody in my arms all the time.

Margaret Ables (23:19): I don't miss it. I have a child who's six feet tall, and I don't carry him around anymore.

Unknown Speaker (23:23): Were you ever a sling wearer? Did you ever do any of that?

Margaret Ables (23:27): I was a sling wearer only by necessity. So when I went to the grocery store, I had someone take a picture of me once. I had the baby in the sling and then the double stroller with the two kids in the stroller.

Unknown Speaker (23:38): Uh-huh.

Margaret Ables (23:39): And then I would throw the groceries underneath. Yeah. I couldn't have a bag. Mhmm. And this woman took a picture of me.

Unknown Speaker (23:46): She was like, this is insane. I have to take a picture.

Amy Wilson (23:48): That was it. Number three was when I started wearing the baby, and then I was like, where's this been? I thought I was getting away with something. Like, the baby thinks I'm holding them, and yet my hands are free. I thought it was a glorious thing, and I didn't figure it out until number three.

Margaret Ables (24:00): As an older mom, my back did not find it that glorious, I have to say.

Amy Wilson (24:04): But Well, it depends on how big the baby is. That's true.

Unknown Speaker (24:07): It was a big old baby. They were all big babies. I'm Irish. I had giant babies. Big heads.

Margaret Ables (24:13): Yeah. Now Jessica gives us the slight downside. Independent showers getting themselves up for an alarm and dressed for school, packing their own lunch, but that comes with new attitudes and opinions, so the grass isn't always greener. And I acknowledge this point.

Unknown Speaker (24:28): Yeah. Are all milestones positive? Perhaps not.

Margaret Ables (24:31): No. They're not I mean, I don't wanna say, like, the minute you don't have a four week old baby, it's all great. Like, you do have to deal with a little bit more door slamming, and you will hear the phrase, I know 6,000 times about things they definitely don't know. Yep. Or if they do know, here's a tip.

Unknown Speaker (24:50): If you do know, go ahead and do it. How about that? Right. I don't know. What makes me think you don't know the fact you didn't do it?

Amy Wilson (24:56): Right. As I like to say, like, yes. I am telling you this over and over again, and I wonder why you think you are the one who should be mad about that when there's one way to fix this?

Unknown Speaker (25:07): Be again? Not amazing, guys.

Unknown Speaker (25:09): Yeah. Not amazing.

Margaret Ables (25:09): This is such a big one. It's from an anonymous member. When they are old enough to stay home by themselves while sick and you don't have to call out of work. Yeah. And, I mean, we've talked about this on the podcast, but it doesn't get enough attention how challenging working with kids is.

Margaret Ables (25:24): I mean, it just you have a constant, which is work, and then a variable, which is your children, and you cannot always reconcile both of them at the same time.

Unknown Speaker (25:34): Well, how are the kids' variables? Just in sometimes they have to be around?

Margaret Ables (25:37): Every day, it's different with them. Like, work is like you show up nine to five, and then kids are like, my play is on Wednesday. I'm gonna be sick on Thursday. And by the way, there's gonna be a lice outbreak two weeks from now.

Unknown Speaker (25:49): Right. Right. Right.

Margaret Ables (25:50): And so I still think that in most workplaces, keeping your children invisible is important. And so the stress of I have a meeting at 4PM. My husband is overseas on a business trip. And if things go wrong at 4PM, I'm gonna lose my job. Like, it's very, very stressful.

Amy Wilson (26:16): I think the sort of societal goodwill that we all had during the pandemic, like, okay. Here's my cat. Here's my baby. Here's my eight year old doing his homework next to me. This is going great.

Amy Wilson (26:26): Part of memory holding that whole experience is now we're back to pretending that we don't have our houses around us in the background of our Zooms, let alone children.

Margaret Ables (26:35): Have you read the book careless people?

Amy Wilson (26:37): I don't think so.

Margaret Ables (26:38): About Facebook? It's very fascinating, but it's interesting because Sheryl Sandberg wrote the whole, like, lean in, and then this woman's experience is very much like, we heard a baby in background of one of your Zoom calls, and, like, you're being called into HR. And, like, you didn't show up for work on this day, and she was, like, literally in a coma after having a baby. You know? So I do think that we give a lot of lip service to, like, of course, women should work, and women should have this and that and the other thing, but not really.

Unknown Speaker (27:08): Yeah. Just don't let me see it.

Margaret Ables (27:10): Yeah. I mean, my husband worked from home for a while and once was reprimanded because a child could be heard somewhere in the house, and it's like Wow. I don't know what to tell you. I have children. Like, they're not in the background talking to the CEO behind my shoulder and being obnoxious.

Margaret Ables (27:25): It's not my cat. You know? Right. I'll rant for another day, Amy. Let's go back to

Amy Wilson (27:30): a good one. This is a great day, the day that your kids can swim and you don't have to be in the pool with them or holding them. It might have been the best day of my life. What a day indeed. Followed by, like, five or six years of mom, watch me.

Amy Wilson (27:44): Mom, watch me. But, I mean, no problem with that. Here I am in the chair. I'm watching.

Margaret Ables (27:47): You're out of the frying pan. It's the fire, but the fire is cooler than the frying pan. Because, like, mom, watch me. Mom, watch me. And then there's sometimes, like, can you come in and throw me?

Margaret Ables (27:56): Like, why don't you just come in? And I'm like, you have two siblings and two friends with you. Right. But, yeah, this is definitely a great one, especially because kids' tolerance for cold water and my tolerance for cold water, very poorly matched.

Amy Wilson (28:10): One year, one of my kids told me that my New Year's resolution should be to go on the water and go all the way in. In other words, get

Unknown Speaker (28:18): my hair under. They had, like, never seen me do that. Your daughter said that on the podcast. We did what new resolution should our parents have?

Unknown Speaker (28:26): That's true.

Unknown Speaker (28:26): And your daughter's resolution for you was you should get in the pool and put your head all the way under. I don't think it pay don't paid out for her.

Unknown Speaker (28:35): I'm sorry. Still waiting on that one. Yeah. Oh, and categories. That's the next thing you had to do.

Unknown Speaker (28:39): We would play a game like your favorite ice cream flavor. The kids would line up in the side of the pool, and they'd be like, chocolate, and jump in one at a time. And somebody is a grown up on duty to, like, come up with the category, and really how many categories are there?

Margaret Ables (28:52): Judge the swimming race. Like, they're not gonna leave you alone for years. No. And then one day, they're like, literally never speak to me. Don't make eye contact with me.

Margaret Ables (29:02): The other day, we were driving home, and I saw a good friend of one of my children. And I leaned out the window, and I said, hi, child's name. And they said, hi. And I was sat down that night and very sternly told that I had humiliated this child by

Unknown Speaker (29:20): Acknowledging a peer?

Margaret Ables (29:22): I mean, it was said kindly. I mean, not kindly, but, I mean, it was said very seriously. Like, hey. Can I ask you a favor? That was really embarrassing when you did that.

Margaret Ables (29:30): Please don't do it again.

Unknown Speaker (29:31): That's when you know they really mean it.

Margaret Ables (29:33): Yeah. I mean, it wasn't reactive. Like, oh my gosh. Don't do this. It was hours later.

Unknown Speaker (29:38): It was like, hey. You know how, like, Beverly Hills housewife was like, hey. Can we chat, Amy? That thing that you said, it was kind of that vibe. Like, hey.

Margaret Ables (29:46): Can we have a quick sit down? Don't ever acknowledge that you know me in public again, please. Wow. Yeah. Rough break.

Margaret Ables (29:52): Milestone. That's another milestone. Flip side of that, teenagers, you can send, Elizabeth says, your kid into a store or restaurant to pick up the items so you don't have to park. Oh, yeah. Now Elizabeth has certain kinds of teenagers that talk to other humans on demand.

Margaret Ables (30:08): This is something that my teenagers are extremely resistant to. Sure. I do make them do it, but the idea that they would have to walk into a restaurant and be like, order for Abel, say those three words to another human being's face is anathema. I mean, it's it's like I asked them to strip nude and do a dance in the middle of the restaurant. I mean, there there's in what world would I do that?

Amy Wilson (30:29): It does happen. It's very motivating. Elizabeth says it's the incentive for her teen is Starbucks, but the teen has to go in and get it. So, yeah, this would be my teenager is very happy to go in and order the complicated beverage that they want and then one for me.

Margaret Ables (30:44): Alright. That's right. Elizabeth put a little bribe in there.

Unknown Speaker (30:46): Yeah. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (30:46): Because I was like, I I'm not familiar with the kind of teen who's happy to run into the store for you.

Unknown Speaker (30:50): I mean, in New York City, again, like, I can circle the block for half an hour looking for a parking spot, or you can go in and get it. It tends to, force the issue nicely.

Margaret Ables (30:59): Our next category, super interesting. We'll be right back.

Unknown Speaker (31:03): All my kids learned to swim when they were little. It was super important to me that they'd be confident and safe in the water. There was only one problem with that, taking them to swim lessons. I mean, the pools were freezing. There were always cranky adults doing laps right there, and it was definitely not for any of us what you would call fun.

Margaret Ables (31:21): Amy heard. But now there's Goldfish swim school. Goldfish takes a really thoughtful approach to swim lessons combining research based teaching with a warm kid friendly environment that actually helps kids thrive in the water.

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Margaret Ables (31:47): Goldfish uses an approach called the science of swim play, which combines guided play with proven teaching techniques to help kids learn to swim, build water safety skills, and gain confidence all at their own pace. Lessons are designed to meet kids exactly where they're at. If you've

Amy Wilson (32:04): been thinking about swim lessons or just wondering where to start, this is a great opportunity. Right now, Goldfish Swim School is offering a waived membership plus your child's first lesson free at participating locations.

Margaret Ables (32:15): Just visit goldfishswimschool.com/free to find a location near you and enroll using promo code free. That's goldfishswimschool.com/free. Promo code free.

Amy Wilson (32:28): My favorite skincare products actually feel more like self care. Like, they're so nice to put on, and they smell so good that I'm actually happy when I

Unknown Speaker (32:36): get to that part of my day. And I swear that is how I feel about Osia's antiaging body balm. Amy, you are usually the lotions and potions queen on this podcast, but I have

Amy Wilson (32:46): to say hard agree. Osia's antiaging body balm is a liquid silk body balm that combines the lasting hydration of a lotion with the firming power of a serum, leaving skin smoother and firmer.

Margaret Ables (32:57): This body balm is clinically tested and designed to deliver visible results you can see and feel. So we've gotten to use this product for a couple

Amy Wilson (33:05): of months now, and I swear I have really noticed firmer and smoother skin, like on the back of my hands. It's like getting a mini spa treatment from head to toe.

Margaret Ables (33:14): Get a spring worthy glow with clean, clinically tested skin care from Osia. And right now, we have a special discount just for

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Margaret Ables (33:29): That's 10% off your first order with code fresh at oseamalibu.com. Do you know it's a new year? No. It's a new year. Oh.

Unknown Speaker (33:44): Okay. So in the new year, we make goals like resolutions, and we try to be better at things. What do you think mom needs to get better at this year? Let me play more video games. Okay.

Margaret Ables (33:53): How many hours of video games should I let you play every single day? One. I already let you play one. Two.

Unknown Speaker (34:00): How can I be a better mom this year?

Unknown Speaker (34:02): You need to give us freedom to do stuff.

Unknown Speaker (34:06): Like what kind of stuff?

Unknown Speaker (34:08): You need we need to be able to stay up until midnight. What could mommy do to be a better mommy? Get whatever we want. What do you want? Puppy.

Unknown Speaker (34:21): So your goal for the new year is that I should get you whatever you want and what you want is a puppy. Yeah. I have a feeling you're gonna be a little disappointed in the new year.

Unknown Speaker (34:29): How how can I be a better mom this year? Allow unlimited Xbox.

Unknown Speaker (34:33): What should mommy try to do better in the new year? Legos. I should get better at Legos. Why do I need to be better at Legos? Because you're really bad at them.

Unknown Speaker (34:43): Okay. And dad is really good at them. Right. But he has to work a lot. So I need you to get better at them, please.

Unknown Speaker (34:51): Okay. So in 2017, my mom goal should be get good at LEGOs so I can help you build them? Yes.

Unknown Speaker (34:56): So what should my mom goal be for this year?

Margaret Ables (35:00): Come to pool more and go underwater all the way. So Emily says sledding, which your mileage may vary if you don't live in sledding country, but we do. My youngest can sled on her own now. I get to stand at the top of the hill and watch, but I don't have to trek back up because I rode down with her. I love going sledding, but my kids have endless energy to keep going.

Margaret Ables (35:24): And after a dozen walks back up the hill, I'm exhausted. Getting to choose how often I went down was awesome. And I like this whole category because people might be listening being like, but I love being in the pool with my kids. But I love cooking for my kids. What's great about it is you don't have to stop doing the things, but you can start to choose when and how often you wanna do the things.

Amy Wilson (35:48): Yeah. Sledding in New York City is a crazy nightmare because, of course, it's, like, 300 people all, like, sledding on the same hill at the

Unknown Speaker (35:55): same time.

Unknown Speaker (35:55): People. Yeah. And, like, it's, like, actively dangerous. Yeah. And you can stand there whole time being cold and yeah.

Amy Wilson (36:00): So miss me with sledding. But if I could be out in my, my own backyard or down the street with my kid, I can see this being awesome that they can do this, and you just kind of one eye supervise.

Margaret Ables (36:10): We have a sledding hill in our backyard. Our backyard is a hill, and so I have to say there's no describing how great it is. I mean, sledding. Now you have to then be like, go get the sleds. You left them all at the bottom of the hill.

Margaret Ables (36:23): It comes with some of its own problems again, but wow, do I not miss. I can literally feel my thighs burning as I remember the eighty sixth trip up with three sleds in my hands trekking back up the hill. And, like, spoiler alert, the kids never never say, that's enough sledding for me. I mean, they really that's a phrase you're not gonna hear. I'm all set.

Margaret Ables (36:48): Thanks. I was petting my very needy cat this morning who I don't even like to pet, but she meows at me until I pet her. And I was scratching her, and I was like, alright. I'll give scratch her. And I thought to myself, would there ever be a time where she looks up and is like, okay.

Margaret Ables (37:01): I'm all set. Thanks. That scratching is done. Like, I always have to walk away, and she kind of claws after me like, no. Don't stop the scratching.

Margaret Ables (37:08): Could I scratch her for five hours straight? I bet I could. Yes. Amy, we're not gonna linger on this one because I know you don't like bodily fluids, but it was a popular answer. Barbara, Courtney, kids who can blow their own noses Mhmm.

Amy Wilson (37:21): And vomit in a bucket. Yes. And I'm thinking, like, what is it about young kids who just they don't know that there is a tell? Like, you can tell when it's about to happen, but little kids don't know the tells yet. Is that why

Margaret Ables (37:33): they just go? I so remember a night I mean, I'll never forget this night as long as I live. My 18 old, we were down in Florida visiting my parents. This kid threw up, and then it was just all night, eight hours of just suddenly puke would just start flying. It was like I was telling my husband, who I'm sure had gone home at this point, it was just like a fountain with no no sign at all.

Margaret Ables (37:59): And then finally, after the fourth hour or so, I picked up that there was a tiny little, like, ripe beforehand, and I was like, okay. I I think I figured it out.

Unknown Speaker (38:09): Like, the tell.

Unknown Speaker (38:10): There's a tell.

Unknown Speaker (38:11): You can go to Vegas now. There's a tell. Exactly. I've got it. I figured it out.

Unknown Speaker (38:16): That's it. Like, a baby doesn't even know there is a tell. Like, a four year old seems to still not really know that there's a tell. You see what I'm saying? It's not a physical ability to, like, reach the milk in the refrigerator.

Amy Wilson (38:25): Like, you can reach for a the nearest garbage can, but somehow they don't know to do that until I don't remember. Was it eight? Was it ten?

Margaret Ables (38:34): Too late. I feel like by five, you've got a prayer with a lot of guidance. But, like, 18 old Yeah. I know. It's just a hose.

Margaret Ables (38:45): This is why one of our earliest rules on the podcast, never bring a sick child into your bed. Yeah. They have to sleep on the floor. No matter how pathetic they look, don't bring them in the bed.

Amy Wilson (38:54): Barbie says it's a big day when your kid can make their own ponytail. I don't remember when that happened.

Margaret Ables (38:58): I don't remember this being a big thing. I do remember that my daughter's hair I was just talking about it because we were at her grandparents. I was looking at old pictures. Her hair as a baby was white, white blonde, and the consistency of cotton candy. Like, you put a brush in it, and it just stayed there.

Margaret Ables (39:18): And the only way to ever get it unknotted was to wash it and then just have a brushing session that was basically torture, but I couldn't not brush it because it would just end up I would have had to shave her head at a certain point. She woulda had locks at some point. Yeah. And at some point, it just started growing in, I don't know, thicker or whatever, but I definitely wow. Those hair battles.

Margaret Ables (39:41): I don't miss those.

Amy Wilson (39:43): At some point, it switches from you care what their hair looks like to they care what their hair looks like.

Unknown Speaker (39:48): I think that's it.

Unknown Speaker (39:49): That's a good day.

Unknown Speaker (39:50): A good day. It's a good day for singing the blues.

Amy Wilson (39:55): I'm still waiting for the day when they care what they wear to church or to grandma's house.

Margaret Ables (40:01): I mean, that day is coming when they're 30, Amy. Just keep waiting. Yeah. 30, maybe. Yeah.

Margaret Ables (40:05): I have finally remembered that whenever we travel, I'm like, shirt with a collar, something you could wear to church. Like, I can't remember where we were. It wasn't church, but it was like, oh, let's go out to this slightly nicer restaurant than McDonald's. And everybody was like, well, I got a I got a old T shirt with a hole in it and Mhmm. And pajama bottoms.

Unknown Speaker (40:27): I was like, yeah. Okay.

Amy Wilson (40:28): I guess we're not going. Kate says her big milestone is when the kids can play without you. She says, today, my kids completed a puzzle together for the first time, ages three and five. Impressed. Was it, like, a 24 piece puzzle?

Amy Wilson (40:42): I mean, it sounds like smart kids.

Margaret Ables (40:44): Yeah. And I do think just this is another one that you kind of have to back out of, and I think, you know, when you're used to being the cruise director master of ceremonies with little kids, you can miss this cue, which I think I did. Like Mhmm. I don't have to go in the playroom and set up a wonderland, and my sister-in-law will post the episode. Christina Martin, who runs a progressive school for young kids, would say, like, it's much better if you don't.

Margaret Ables (41:13): Like, kids are better off with, like, sticks and mud and trying to build something by themselves than a toy that, like, they sit and watch it, and it makes all the things. And so it doesn't mean there's a right and a wrong way to play, but letting your kids play together is great, and trying to get out of their way is an instinct to follow.

Amy Wilson (41:34): Yeah. And refereeing, I mean, this came late for me only because my two boys fought a lot. They were close in age, and I really just couldn't leave them unsupervised. The scratching during dinner is exhibit a. So it wasn't that they were incapable of doing a 24 piece puzzle.

Amy Wilson (41:50): It was that, like, they would come to blows. And so there was definitely a season where it just was easier for everybody involved. I wasn't playing with either one of them, but you're playing over here with this parallel play, and you're playing over here with that. Yeah. And that's how it was until probably five and seven.

Unknown Speaker (42:04): Oh, yeah. Well, you know that my rule was if you wanna fight, you have to go outside

Unknown Speaker (42:08): and play fight.

Unknown Speaker (42:09): I would just let them bail on each other on the and then I'd be like, dinner time. Who needs to go to the ER? Okay. Come back in. Amy, this is when you've talked about skiing, being able to go down the hill by themselves without you.

Unknown Speaker (42:20): My three

Unknown Speaker (42:21): year old could do that the first day on the mountain because I am not a skier. We started to ski the same day, and by noon on the first day, my three year old was surpassing the inability.

Margaret Ables (42:30): So I think any cold outdoor activity that you don't have to participate in, I'm all for. Why? I would

Amy Wilson (42:36): say the bigger day is the day that you don't have to lay out the outfits and put the boots on, and then you take the boots off and, figure out where to put the wet mittens and and all of that. I always found that, like, not only do I not enjoy the activity, but I have to oversee, like, stormtrooper level uniforms and components and and stuff for everybody. So it's nice when they can do that themselves.

Margaret Ables (42:57): I have a friend who talks about their dog at some point, like, ripping the car apart and, like, getting sick. Like, the dog just destroyed this car, basically. And then they all went in the house, and his mom was there, like, cleaning up everything that had happened with the dog. He just looked at it, and he was like, I am never gonna be a parent. Like, I never want to be the person.

Margaret Ables (43:20): I think all of my kids at some point have been like, I never wanna do that. And I can remember skiing. This is how old I am. We used to have like, if your ski fell off, you know, skis have little brakes on them now, although I don't know if they even work. But you used to strap your skis onto your ankle.

Margaret Ables (43:36): It had a little, like, tie, and we could never get them done. And so my dad, no matter how cold it was, was on his own skis bent over clipping our safety straps on. This is when we were very, very little in learning how to ski. And I definitely remember looking at him and being like, I'm glad I am not the dad. Yeah.

Margaret Ables (43:54): I don't have to take my gloves off and clip on four pairs of safety harnesses on kids' skis. And you were right. Oh, I was right. It was terrible. It was terrible.

Margaret Ables (44:07): Amy, how many of your children now have to bend down to hug you? Amy says your oldest child bending down to hug you, not ready for that one.

Amy Wilson (44:16): That is a milestone. Two. Two out of three. And they're all done growing. They're all as tall as they're going to be, and I have one of them beaten, two very much not.

Margaret Ables (44:23): I have a nephew who is six six maybe, and he just stands next to his mom who's not small. She's probably five seven. But I just look at them together, and I just think that's her little baby. There's there's nothing about it. It's like a psychic.

Margaret Ables (44:38): Like, seeing Shaq with his mom, you're like, uh-uh. How did this all happen?

Amy Wilson (44:42): One of my grown kids, one of the nicest things they've ever done for me was I was making sure they had something. They had their boarding pass, and then their next boarding pass, like, completely traveling without me at this point. And don't forget that you have to change terminals, that kind of thing. And, he sent me a picture of Clifford the big red dog with Clifford's mommy, who I didn't really know the lore until I saw this. But Clifford's mother is a, typically sized dog, so she's very small next to Clifford.

Amy Wilson (45:08): And she's, like, kissing his paw, and she's, like, so tiny. And the words on the picture said, even though Clifford is a big dog, he's still his mother's little puppy.

Margaret Ables (45:18): Oh my gosh. Did you cry for a month?

Amy Wilson (45:21): I loved it. I loved it. I have it saved on my computer. It was so nice, and that's exactly it. Like, there's something that's bittersweet about it, but it's sweet too.

Amy Wilson (45:28): It's sweet that they're so much bigger than you, and they're so your little puppy.

Margaret Ables (45:32): Oh my gosh. I love that. Ain't that sweet? Yeah. Sadik is gonna finish this off, and she often does, I feel, with her comment.

Margaret Ables (45:40): Going to bed before your kids. No nighttime routine. As you said, it's bittersweet. It's bittersweet. I mean, I think I run less to nostalgia.

Margaret Ables (45:51): My nostalgia setting is less than most. And, also, I often say, I had my kids so late. I just think that I had such a long life without kids that I remember how good it was. Or, like and so I don't have a ton of, like, oh, my little puppy. But sometimes I still do wanna kiss their little paw even though they're so big.

Unknown Speaker (46:13): That's right. And that's fun too. And it's not only sad. It's sweet. Right?

Unknown Speaker (46:17): Like, it's the bitter and the sweet. It's the sweet and the bitter. It's all of everything. So if you're don't spend too much time not worrying about, like,

Unknown Speaker (46:23): oh my god. One day they'll be taller

Amy Wilson (46:24): than me. Yes. And you'll love it then too.

Margaret Ables (46:26): You'll love it then too. And some of it, you're gonna love so much more. You're going to stop seeing so many butts, and it's going to be great.

Amy Wilson (46:36): Just dream of that day. Dream of that day. Do you follow us on YouTube? You can listen to us wherever you want, but you can find sometimes full episodes, sometimes clips from all our episodes are all up on YouTube. Just search What Peshaw Podcast, or we'll put a link in the show notes from this episode.

Unknown Speaker (46:51): We're trying to grow our YouTube presence because lots of people listen to podcasts on YouTube. So find us there and subscribe. You may not have to listen on YouTube, but just give us a little love there.

Unknown Speaker (47:00): Go give us a follow. You know how it is. We need to be followed. We want people following us around.

Unknown Speaker (47:06): That's

Margaret Ables (47:06): right. And with that, thanks so much for listening. We will talk to you next time. Thanks, everybody.

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