Sept. 18, 2019

When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth

There are a lot of reasons that one kid might be hogging our bandwidth. Some are positive; some not so much. Sometimes it’s temporary; sometimes it's a “new normal” that can reshape family dynamics.  Here’s how to keep our other relationships going.

There are a lot of reasons that one of our kids might end up getting most of our attention. Some are positive: Sophia is the best 12-year-old pitcher in the state!  Some are decidedly negative: another hospital stay. Some bandwidth-hogging choices are freely made; some are obligations.  Sometimes focusing on just one of our kids is temporary, and sometimes it's the sort of “new normal” that can radically reshape family dynamics. 

In this episode, we talk about the times in our own parenting lives when one of our kids has taken up all (okay, 99%) of our bandwidth, and how to manage our other relationships- including with our partners- during the tough or crazy times. 

In our experience, identifying and being honest about what’s taking up the bandwidth is the key to making sure everyone survives it.

Here are links to the research on this topic that we discuss in this episode: 

Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner

Carson Crusaders Foundation

Antoinette Deavin, Pete Greasley, Clare Dixon for Pediatrics: Children’s Perspectives on Living With a Sibling With a Chronic Illness

Dean E. Murphy for NYT: Watching Them Watching Me

Lisa Rapaport for Reuters: Healthy kids with sick sibling may hide emotions

Nicole Schwarz for When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored

Andrew Sullivan for NYT: How Do You Raise a Prodigy?

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